Reality

Reality is a big word, with a lot of weight. When someone makes an off-the-wall claim, they are often admonished with a response like "Get real!!!" or "In your dreams!!!". And don't even get me started on Reality TV!

But how does reality come about? How did the car you drive in, the house you live in, the blogging software and Internet I'm using right now appear?

It's all a good mix of dreaming (thinking beywond the current situation) and action (creating that new, desired outcome). So start creating your future now, by thinking beyond where you are. You can't accomplish it any other way.

Teaching

What makes a good teacher? I always thought the best quality of a teacher is patience, but no more.

Sure, you may need to be patient and be in the moment when guiding someone through something that you feel is obvious. But the audience still needs to learn, otherwise you aren't teaching.

So patience, yes, but also knowledge. Passion. Confidence (in the material).

Perspective

Today I was digging through storage, searching for my school diploma for an employment background check. As I did so, I came across my college yearbook.

I opened it to my picture and, after laughing so hard I was brought to tears (can't believe I went out of the house looking like THAT even once, let alone on a regular basis!), I thought: "What would I say to the young me today?"

So, here's some advice for 21 year-old John Grieco:

• Treat everyone with respect.


• Make time for your friends. Some of them will be gone before you know it or before you're ready for it.


• Laugh. A lot. Don't worry if others think you're crazy, but do try to convince them to join in.


• Sometime in 1995, you'll see a gorgeous lock of hair behind some boxes stacked on a hand truck, trying to open a door. Make sure you help her. Give her your busines card too.


• Relax. Enjoy the journey. Becuase no matter what you do things always work out.

Worthiness

It says here that next year Tiger Woods will become the first athlete to have over $1 billion in earnings (winnings). How did he do it?

Sure, he practiced a lot, I imagine. And he undoubtedly has gifted genetics. But how does someone become 10X, 100X, 1000X better than someone else? He has two arms, two legs, two eyes just like everyone else.

So it must be something else, right? Something you and I can't see. Attitude. Mental toughness.

Give

Have you ever noticed that if you try to "give till it hurts" you never succeed? That's because giving feels good!

There are several psychological and genetic reasons for this:

• When you're giving, you have taken your mind off yourself. You have 'gotten out of your own way', allowing yourself to flourish.


• In-grained survival mechanisms. You know you are making the species better by giving, and that enhances everyone's likelihood of success and survuval.


• Selfishness. Oftentimes the giver beneifts directly, through learning a lesson or interaction with someone they wouldn't have normally had an interaction with.
  

So, what can I do for you? Give me the chance to be a better person.

Fly

Today I opened my front door to a baby red-breasted robin and mother on my front porch. The youngster was learning to fly, mom nearby coaxing him.

I stood there, watching. I didn't want to open the front door anyway, and disturb a class in session. I watched as the baby figured out how to get over the railing and move along.

When class was over I got in my car and ran some errands. Shortly thereafter I returned home to see that the mother was still there, hopping about and eating breakfast (worms ), the young one nowhere in sight. So it occurr to me that I had just witnessed mom saying goodbye to her baby as he went about his life.

A necessary part of life, sometimes, this spreading your wings and flying. And also, the letting go by those you've left behind.

Optimism

MSN Health & Fitness displays an article by Marguerite Lamb called Act Like an Optimist, Improve Your Health. It's interesting in that it makes the (correct, I believe) distinction between optimism and happiness.

It also offers ways you can "train" optimism into your life: goal settng, persistence. etc. A useful and thoughtful article, check it out!

Ways I stay optimistic include: working out, appreciating what I have, laughing (finding something to laugh about), and sometimes just looking out the window at the scenery.

Perspective

On our honeymoon, my wife and I visited Italy and, as part of that trip, toured the Sistine Chapel. It was explained during the tour that Michelangelo for many years was thought of as a great sculptor but not as good a "colorist", based on his painting of the Chapel's ceiling.

In 1984, a restoration of the ceiling was undertaken. During this time, the restorers stripped all the wax and painted definition left in previous restoration attempts, bringing the surface back to as xclose to Michelangelo left it as possible.

Suddenly, scenes were shown in bright, vivid color. Suddenly, scientists realized the candle smoke and layers had obscured the genius of the artist. Suddenly, Michelangelo became a great colorist, on par with his sculpting ability.

So, the point of the story is to lift the veil on things in your life. Let the real you shine through. And don't pay any attention to what others say, good or bad.

Connection

There are times in life where there just seems to be a 'spark' that ignites something in you. It happens in many different ways: your eyes lock with someone else's, you discover a new way to move in a yoga class, or happen upon a business idea. Either way, it seems that time slows down or becomes irrelevant.

Such a thing happened to me in college. I had just started studies, picked Business Administration as a pursuit because it seemed closest to that spark for me, but there was something more and I knew it.

In my second semester I signed up for a computer programming elective. I sat down at the terminal (that's what they called them then ) to write my first program, finished it in what seemed like an hour. I looked up at the clock and 5 hours had gone by. The guy who couldn't stay still for more than a minute had actually sat still for 5 hours, moving only his fingers!

So, here I am years later still riding that spark.

Give

Today I read a story about kidney transplants, with profiles of 6 donor-recipient pairs. This got me to thinking about what giving really means.

Webster's...er....gives several meanings depending on context:

• To present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow: to give a birthday present to someone.


• To hand to someone: Give me that plate, please.


• To place in someones care: If you give me your coat, I'll put it in the closet.

...and so forth. The one that most captures the spirit I'm discussing is the first one.

I think the joy of giving in this manner comes from the 'compensation' you do receive, because it is so unexpected. At the very least you get the feeling that you are advancing human-kind's place in the world, one person at a time sometimes, and sometimes by affecting entire groups of people.

Friendship

Today I celebrated National Trails Day by running on trails with friends. Here is a list of things I appreciate about today:

• The wonderful weather we had.


• The unique event we participated in (the 'Train'ing Run).


• The health of my body.


• The company of friends.


• The raising of funds for a good cause. We raised over $1500 for cancer research!


• The sense of humor my friends possess (and the fact that they put up with mine ).


• Seeing friends I hadn't seen since last years event.


• The level of fitness of the participants - some ran 34 miles, some 68. That is NOT a type.

National Trails Day

Tomorrow is National Trails Day. The running club I belong to, RVRR, celebrates with a unique event called the 'Train'ing run. It's a time for us to give back. To show how much we appreciate the trail(s) we run on as a group and as individuals, and while we're at it we raise funds to cure cancer. Mostly, we just appreciate who we are and the tremendous gifts we've been given.

Check out the RVRR site for information and, if you're in Central NJ tomorrow come join us. Meet some great people, eat some BBQ and raise money for cancer research!

Animals

After a run I usually do about 10 minutes of yoga stretches. This morning one of my cats (Elliott) joined me, we have three and typically all three come into the room when I stretch.

As I launched into a Downward Dog I decided I would rename it Downward Cat in his honor. He proceeded to give his version of it, called the 'Downward Cat with Licking Paw' variation.

So this got me to thinking. Why is it that cats always seem to be doing yoga, even while sauntering around the house or leaping on top of a counter? Is it just the way they are, some combination of musculature and attitude? Or is it choice?

Most animals seem to be doing yoga at all times. Even squirrels, though they do some sort of version of Speed-Power yoga I don't think any of us humans can try.

Question

What is the answer to the musical question 'Who let the dogs out?'. Does anyone know?

Anticipation

Today I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. I know the gifts are there, I know they are coming to me, I just wish they would arrive.

Sometimes, in fact most times, this is being felt in a spirit of excitement. I can't wait to employ my skills in a new team, can't wait to grow and succeed with my next employer.

Sometimes it's felt with a little frustration, like the kids in the back of the car saying "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?". It's those times that I know I need to appreciate where I am, because that feeling of frustration will only distance me from the gifts.

Progress

In the past few years I've been instilled with a philosophy that I feel has really served me well, so I'd like to share it in the hopes it will do the same for you....

It sometimes seems like the only thing to do is give up on a goal. Discouragement may be rampant or you may feel 'lost' or not as confident that you will achieve the result. It's at times like these that I remember one of two things (or both):

• Look at a stairway you are about to climb. Many times you can only see the first few steps, so do you refuse to climb them?


• You get in your car to go to the store or even another state. You travel half way and say "Well, since I don't see the destination it must be impossible to reach so I'll turn around and go home."

Life is full of beginnings, and most of what you think are endings are not that at all. Most times you are not exactly at a goal you set out to accomplish, but it's still there where you put it when you started. So keep going! Turning around would just be a waste of gas money :-).

Desire

Is desire a good thing or a bad thing? I think it all depends on how you feel toward the desire.

If you believe it is something that's possible to achieve, it feels good. You can use the feeling to reach the goal. If you do not believe it possible, than that desire only spawns more ill feelings.

Take a look around you. EVERYTHING you see is as a result of some desire someone had at some point. So if you have a desire and are feeling less than 100% about it, my suggestion is to do whatever you can to feel really good about it, then go create it. But it's only possible in that order.

Death

I think of death as a 'hiccup', a bump in the road onto your next life. I know that doesn't fit in well with my Catholic upbringing but I was a different person then.

How many times do you meet someone for the first time and feel like you've known them before? That happened to me several times today, and being as I live in NJ but had this experience in NC (a state I've visited only twice before in this life: once on a trip to Busch Gardens many years ago and once on an airport layover), there has to be another explanation.

Maybe these people look like someone else I already know. I don't know. But it has to be comforting to think there's something else 'out there'.

Books

A great Java book for those of you career searching, or just wanting to grow your Java knowledge: The Java-J2EE Job Interview Companion.

A list of other great interview books is here.

There's a whole world of opportunity out there, so happy hunting!

Appreciation

This morning I decided to list all the things I appreciate about myself and the area I live in. For instance:

• I love that we experience all four seasons (I live in the Northeast U.S.).


• My town has such variety, from Starbucks to horse farms.


• etc.

Whenever I undertake an exercise like this it always brightens my mood. Try it out for yourself!

Undercurrent

According to this article, an indicator of economic health is men's underwear sales. Apparently no less of an authority than Alan Greenspan tracks this statistic to determine the future direction of the economy.

So let's get to the bottom of this: do you believe in briefs, or is the economy what you make of it? Have things bottomed out? Have we been boxed into a corner, with nowhere to go but up? Are we finally ready to enjoy the fruits of the economic loom we've been operating the past year or so?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I recently read that the song with this title was rated the top song of all time, above even Stairway to Heaven. Heaven is a great goal to strive for, and I have nothing against Led Zeppelin, but any song that's about respect should get top billing, IMHO.

Respecting yourself and those around you is a fundamental tenant of a good life. People want to be around someone who treats them well, and who carries themselves with that dignity borne of such a respect of oneself.

Yesterday I heard a presentation from two engaging, energetic speakers on job and career searching. One of the speakers made the point that if you demand respect you'll get it, and I couldn't agree more. In fact, whatever you ask for in life you'll get, sooner or later.

So what are you demanding? Are you treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated? The way you want to be treated?

Choice

Yesterday at the beach I watched three kids play a game. The object was to hit the other two with a clump of wet sand (mud ball) without getting hit yourself. Whoever was hit the least at the end of the "round" won.

The game was made complicated by the number of participants, three. If it was simply one-on-one you could focus on the other person, but the extra player added an element. As you were tossing a mud ball at one the other could be throwing one at you, while you were looking in another direction.

This is just like life. You have players (some 6 billion and counting), each doing their best to win a game. Most, maybe all, are not specifically trying to hurt someone (OK, there's a possibility an eye may be hit, but if a player tried to hit someone in the eye they'd probably lose since that's counterproductive).

You also have choices to make at each turn, and strategy. Do I split my mud ball in two and try to hit both the other players? Do I focus on just one of the others? Do I simply try to avoid all incoming 'missiles'?

Life is a game! Play ball!!!

(and, GO YANKEES!!!)

Hero

He was larger than life to me, a man strong enough to carry 150+ lbs. of body down a fire ladder if the need arose. A man strong enough to let his actions speak for him. All the while he existed comfortably and quietly in the background, adjusting his eyeglasses and observing.

He was a dichotomy. Strong yet pensive, quiet yet with a hearty laugh when you caught him at just the right moment. By day he worked physically demanding jobs, sometimes two or three at a time, to put his children through private school. By night he would transform into a gifted musician and artist.

One of the things he never spoke to me about was his experience in what he'd probably say was his most important job. There were small clues he left behind to discover later in life: the toolbox with the POW-MIA sticker on it, the doodles, the pictures of him and his friends in front of a crumbling fountain somewhere in Italy, craters in the background.

I found out years later about the months of painful rehab, and I can only imagine the friends he lost. The ones that had bullets find their head instead of their knee. The ones that came back physically able, but mentally gone.

He'd probably be embarrassed if he knew I was writing about him, but for once I don't mind making him feel a little uncomfortable. I don't think he'd object too strongly if he were here anyway. After all this is a day the people of our country remember their heroes, so Happy Memorial Day, Dad.

Re-Champ!

There's an article in the Parade section of the Sunday Star-Ledger about Champ, who I posted about here. One of the new take-aways I received from that was how his new human companions explained how they couldn't let him go, saying something to the effect of "Who else would be able to look in his eyes and know what he needed? How could I train someone to do that?"

Everything works out for the best, and Champ would have been OK however it turned out. However he has himself a good set of human companions, and isn't it wonderful when you can experience that kind of connection, whether it be with another animal or a human or even a piece of art?

Improvement

Today was a day of improvement, from the small (a new set of grilling tools for the summer barbecue season) to the large (discussing career direction with a running buddy). Let's start with the small....

Isn't it amazing how something seemingly little can make a big change in your life? In this new grilling tool set is a two-way brush with a handle on each side. I can envision how this will make grill cleanup a lot easier and can't wait to use it. I also look forward to the new 'fish spatula', a spatula designed to make flipping fish easier. Little things do mean a lot!

The large improvement was the satisfaction I felt in my career discussion with the friend. He's on the verge of embarking on a career move, and knows that I am in the midst of one (if you know of any organizations that need an accomplished Java Lead/Architect let me know). Not only was I hopefully able to help him but also discovered new ways to tweak my search. It is huge when people can help each other, it's what makes the world go around, along with the little things....

Teamwork

My wife and I went to the Bronx Zoo today. It was a great trip: beautiful weather, my wife saw the Congo exhibit she's been wanting to see for quite awhile, and we had wonderful conversations with other zoo patrons.

I also learned a bit about teamwork - teamwork in the Zebra world, that is. I think this lesson can be applied to human life also.

For instance:

• During an attack the Zebra herd will stampede in a coordinated way to attempt to confuse or frighten the predator.


• Frequently, if a mother and her foal are threatened, members of the pack will charge the predator as a group, to drive it away.


• Within a family, older siblings will take a role in defending younger foal(s) if the family becomes separated from the herd and comes under attack.

Zebras use their skills and abilities, and the rules of the game (the fact that they frequently outnumber the predator) to their advantage. All of this is for the sole purpose of improving the chances of the herd, and the species as a whole.

Children

Children are almost always happy. And most everyone that looks at them cannot help but smile.

This is because children have no resistance, no built-up 'life experience' and so they believe everything is possible. For the life of me I can't figure out a valid reason why this should change in adulthood.

If you want to feel happy and you are an adult, go find a child to look at.

Dewey

Not the one related to Donald Duck :-)

I'm sitting in the library as I write this, thinking about the Dewey Decimal System. All those books lined up in organized rows, in an easy-to-find and easy-to-maintain manner. It continues to serve libraries 133 years after its introduction, despite all the changes in the world since 1876.

Ease of use, performance, maintainability - these are hallmarks of software design too. What would happen if we took these same principles and applied them to attitudes?

• Ease of use: attracting (and keeping) what you want in your life.


• Performance: how fast those things you want manifest themselves.


• Maintainability: changing of goals mid-stream.
  

Whenever there's an opportunity in your life, something you feel isn't there yet and you're impatient for it, ask yourself what design changes you can make to facilitate it. Ask yourself how you can make your mind support you like the Dewey Decimal System has supported libraries so well.

Prayer

Last week I had the honor of sponsoring my nephew for his Catholic Confirmation. At the end of the ceremony, the Bishop asked the confirmants "What is prayer?" and I thought "What an interesting question!".

Regardless of how you feel about prayer, I think most everyone does it in one form or another. There are of course the many religions that practice it, and you can also say it's evident in 'non-religions' too: meditation, yoga, walking in the woods, etc.

When no one offered the Bishop an answer to his question, he gave his. He said that, to him, it's a conversation. That means you pray but you also listen. He was making the point that it's a two-way street, that you have to be ready and able to hear a response.

How many times have you received an answer to a 'prayer'? How many times have you paid attention to the answer?

Happiness

According to Thomas Jefferson, we are all entitled to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. If you are reading this, you are alive (if you aren't please contact me as that would be a very interesting conversation!). Most people also enjoy varying degrees of liberty, at the very least the liberty to choose their own thoughts and response to a situation.

So, that leaves happiness. If you already have it congratulations! If not, ask someone who has it for the secret :-).

For me, it all comes down to feeling like I've done the best I can, each day. The good thing about that is the definition of 'best' changes every day, so every day you get a new opportunity to do your best! It could be helping a client, listening to a friend that really needs to be listened to, or hugging a spouse. Every day I get to choose to make myself happier.

So discover your definition each day and go for it!

Contrast

Yesterday's post was about Oreo cookies. Today I'm thinking about contrast and how it can best suit you, so the title is keeping with the Oreo theme. Bear with me, I haven't figured out a way to segue into Funny Bones (my favorite snack) yet, though suggestions are welcome.

How many times have you gone through what could be called a 'tough' experience only to be grateful for it in the long run? Every one of mine thus far fit that mold, and likewise for the ones that my friends recount.

Black and White....contrast....would you be able to appreciate one as much without the other?

Think of life as being like a song. If all the parts were harmony, it would be boring. All the masters like Mozart knew how to use dissonance to bring out the harmony, so use your dissonance to bring out your harmony. Bring out the best in your life!

Oreo

There's the smooth, creamy part. And sometimes it feels like you're surrounded by coarse, rough walls. But then you bite into it, and in the end you find out those walls were actually the best part!

Grieco-mans

Here are Grieco-Mans Top 10 Things To Do When Between Gigs (also called 'unemployed'), besides looking for new opportunities:

1. Delve further into interesting technologies.


2. Read a book.
   
3. Focus on your personal brand.
   
4. Volunteer. BTW, if you're into hiking or running and interesting events, and live in NJ, join me and my running club as we celebrate National Trail Day on June 6 with our annual Towpath "Train"ing Run.
   
5. Take a class.
   
6. Pet your cat(s), or dog(s), or turtle(s). ....can you pet a turtle???
   
7. Go for a long run, or work out.
   
8. Call a friend.
   
9. Hug your spouse.
   
10. ...and last but not least, help others. You'll be surprised at the joy it brings you!
    

"Soft"ware

My career and hobby is software development. I often think of it as the process of shaping electricity to meet a need, whcih probably sounds weird. I've been called worse :-).

The end result of this process is that a device (a computer, a car, a toaster even) gets "told" what to do. Some call it programming, or coding, and as you imagine there's a wealth of information on the topic. If you're interested in delving deeper I recommend you start with the Joel on Software blog, or you can visit the IT wiki and follow the links.

The software development process is similar to what we do as we carry on our day and strive for improving our lives. Your brain is all about moving electricity around - neural patterns strengthen (and weaken) according to your thoughts and practiced motion. It is the "soft"ware between your ears (and no, I'm not calling you "soft between the ears" ). Here, the device is your life.

So today, for fun, think about how you're shaping that "soft"ware. Each moment brings a choice, a different way to program your life. What will you choose?

Awareness

Today outside the grocery store a few folks were handing out flyers promoting Prostate Cancer Awareness, with a picture of Colin Powell on the front. This brought to mind the campaigns for the many maladies we are advised to be aware of, from cancers to drunk driving to drug use.

Testing for disease serves a valuable purpose. People should do whatever they can to make themselves happy(ier) at any given moment. But I wonder if we can do even better than that.

For instance, how about a campaign to raise HEALTH awareness? Consider that many people spend the great majority of their lives perfectly healthy. And that even when a disease manifests, oftentimes complete recovery is possible and, in fact, expected.

Take a look around at your friends and family. How many are presently 100% healthy?

You are what you're aware of.

Lessons

I received this in an email the other day, it's been all over the Web over time and some of it may be urban legend material but I had to share it anyway:

Five Life Lessons - author unknown

First Lesson - During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: 'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.

Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. 'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Lesson - One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s..

The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read: 'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.' Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Lesson - In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked. 'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. 'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. 'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Lesson - In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.

Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Lesson - Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness..

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.'

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Wonder

Here's a story that started out decidedly negative and turned into a positive. Meet Champ, the Miracle Dog.


From now on I'll think of this story when I start worrying about the outcome of something. Most of the time, everything turns out OK and the worst part of the experience was the worrying.